2) Feel a bit hungover.
3) Wonder if you had enough love as a child.
4) Make toast.
5) Sleep badly.
6) Have trust issues.
7) Resist physical contact.
8) Fight anxiety with Merlot.
9) Eat peanut butter.
10) Speak to geese.
11) Stare at a Word document until nothing happens. Hold that moment for seventeen minutes. Then go on Twitter and annoy people.
12) Write some words.
13) Look at the words.
14) Delete the words.
16) Get drunk.
21) Sit in front of a Word document for 7 hrs. Write 860 words. Delete 920 words. Then drink half a bottle of gin.
22) Watch unfunny Youtube videos.
23) Google illnesses you might have.
24) Forget to call your parents.
25) Eat stale pretzels.
26) Turn up at an event where only one person shows up. Have her be a friend of your mother.
27) Feel tired.
28) And grumpy.
29) Take an hour and a half to sort the recycling.
30) Wish you were Neil Gaiman/Stephen King/Jonathan fucking Franzen.
31) Think about dying a lot.
32) Ignore deadlines.
33) Stare at rain.
34) Write another pointless blog.
35) Silently recite the author’s mantra: I’m a genius. I’m useless. I’m a genius. I’m useless. I’m a genius. I’m useless. I’m a genius. I’m useless. I want some toast.
36) Wonder why your agent hasn’t called in a while. Wonder if you actually have an agent.
37) Be a liability on white wine.
38) Be wrapped up in yourself.
39) Look at your royalty statement. Keep looking.
40) Consider every book you read to be a little bit overrated.
41) Feel the melancholy wonder of train stations.
42) Phone your mother.
43) Imagine what it would be like to win the Booker Prize. Give a little imaginary acceptance speech.
44) Wear a dressing gown at all times.
45) Think about writing more of your book.
46) Be scared of pylons.
47) Tense up when someone hugs you.
48) Be slightly bipolar.
49) Eat peanut butter.
50) Want to be a cat.
51) Be terrible with money.
52) Hide from window cleaners.
53) Forget to eat breakfast.
54) Be generally quite worried.
56) Create awkward vibes.
57) Stare at people without realising.
58) Have back pain.
59) Eat some more toast.